Magically Misplaced
by full-of-wrackspurts
Summary: Three mysterious visitors arrive at Hogwarts. Written because we all need a bit of crack!fic now and again. Slight parody but hopefully still in character. New chapter!
1. The arrival

Disclaimer, I do not own HP, not the sauce, nor the series of books and films. Happy reading! Set after the honeymoon but no particular point after that.

Magically misplaced

Dumbledore looked at the three visitors in front of him with glee. The first was a woman with red hair and an inability to stop looking at him and his office in astonishment.

The second was an impeccably dressed man in tweed braces and the most amazing bow tie. Despite the man's appearance of youth and vitality Dumbledore identified the countenance of a man who knew loss intimately. He had an aura of death around him. It was someone to interact with but be wary of.

However it was the third man who was the most intriguing. On first impression he looked to be an unassuming man simply following the whims of the woman he loved but Dumbledore sensed the presence of a warrior. He had been in enough wars to recognise the behaviours of a soldier ready to defend or attack at a moment's notice. The way he stood beside the woman, not close enough to be smothering but near enough that in a crisis situation he could shield her from any possible attack. He finished his musings and let his eyes drift back to the man in the bowtie who he sensed was in charge.

"And what can I call you?"

"I'm the Doctor and before you ask just the Doctor, not Mr Doctor or Sir Doctor, I hate titles, or Doctor Who though that is always fun. Oh and these are my travelling companions the Ponds-

"Hey! The William's"

"Sorry about him, he'll never learn," the Doctor said conspiratorially. "It's the Ponds and you know it is Roman."

"Hem Hem." Dumbledore looked around in shock expecting to see Umbridge and experienced a sense of relief when he realised it was the red-head.

"Who am I then? The invisible woman? My name's Amy Pond Williams and this is my goofy husband Rory and the even goofier Doctor. And don't ask him to explain the name: he won't tell you, god knows I've tried. "

"So Doctor, and Mr and Mrs Williams can I ask what you are doing in my school?"

"Ooh this is a school! Oh I've done it again, slight mishap with my navigation, the naughty old TARDIS never does as she's told, sorry about that. If I can just find my TARDIS we'll be out of here in a jiffy. I don't know why the TARDIS never does what I tell her to. Where are we, exactly?"

"You do not know?"

"Not exactly, the thing with this travelling thing is that you're never quite sure where you'll end up and we seem to have arrived in this school, in the middle of nowhere by the looks of it, with a headmaster who likes brightly coloured robes and who is very good at avoiding saying anything about himself or our locations."

"He's right, so where exactly are we beardy man?"

"Amy! You can't say that."

"Why not? "

"Well, ….. you just …can't."

"Don't worry my dear boy, I am in fact, incredibly proud of this beard. It took me fifty years before I was completely satisfied so thank you for the compliment. Though I do wonder if it's time for a change," Dumbledore finished stroking his beard pensively.

"See, I said it would be alright." Amy nudged Rory.

"What? No you didn't. You didn't know if it would be alright, you just risked it like you always do. It was your fault those Athosians kidnapped us."

"But they were nice, we had a really nice time there once it was all sorted out and besides you know you love me."

"Amy, that's not the point."

"So, Beardyman," said the Doctor cutting off further arguing, "although I do find marital disputes fascinating, it's just so human, you've yet to tell us your name, it's not Beardyman is it? It does have quite a nice ring to it though, have you thought about changing it? You could. I had a friend who went by the name of Captain Jack Harness, not his real name but in someone's honour though I suppose it's not the same for Beardyman is it? Anyway what _is_ your name and also where exactly are we?"

"Ah apologies," stated Dumbledore breaking from his musings about a new style of beard, "you see we're in troubled times and one can't be too careful about giving information to strangers particularly in an educational establishment. But the fact you do not seem to recognise me suggests that you are truly unaware of your surroundings."

"Not to be rude or anything but why does us not knowing you mean anything?"

"Well, I do not mean to boast but I am very well-known in this world. In fact-

"Hang on a second, world, why say world? Why would you say world? And why would you wear robes and wait a minute is that a phoenix on your shoulder? Wait! I know who you are. I know where we are!" He said in glee.

The Doctor left this puzzling statement hanging in the air while Amy and Rory looked at him with a look of amusement for the former and of exasperation for the latter.

"Any chance you're going to tell us?"

"Oh, but this fantastic. Don't you see?" the Doctor's boyish grin in full effect. "It's you! Oh I can't wait to tell River, she'll be so jealous. I mean it is practically impossible for us to be here and there's probably a planet or universe burning up which I'll probably have to fix at some point but it's you! It is you!" The Doctor leaned over the desk and began to pull Dumbledore's face in every direction.

"Doctor!"

"Don't you see?" The Doctor exclaimed pushing Dumbledore's face towards Rory "It's Dumbledore!"

"Dumbledore?"

"Really?" asked Amy, "as in, you know, _that_ Dumbledore? Does that mean we're at Hogwarts? Oh my god we're at Hogwarts. I wonder if they're here, oh I bet they are! Oh this is amazing!"

By this point Amy and the Doctor were hugging each other and jumping up and down hysterically. "Hang on a minute," Rory said, "but how exactly are we here? I thought it was you know," whispering in the hopes that Dumbledore didn't hear them, "not real."

"Oh, live a little Roranicus, we'll figure it out later. First we have a school of witchcraft and Wizardry to explore."

Before Dumbledore could stop them the Doctor and Amy grabbed Rory and started exploring Hogwarts.

So in lack of anything else to do and deciding they were mostly harmless, the Headmaster of Hogwarts floo-called his deputy and asked her to be prepared for unexpected events taking place due to their unorthodox visitors.


	2. The nurse and his patient

Disclaimer I do not own, nor am I affiliated in any way to JK Rowling, Warner Bros or the BBC. I am merely manipulating the characters for my own and hopefully readers' amusement.

As was typical when travelling with the Doctor the adventurers were soon separated. Amy and the Doctor were headed towards the astronomy tower whereas Rory, after stopping to look at the statue of Gregory the Smarmy, was left behind walking aimlessly in the hopes of finding somewhere recognisable. However his journey was soon stopped when he spotted a figure sitting on one of the staircases, head in hands.

Since he had spent so long as a nurse and occasionally as a doctor it was impossible for Rory to continue on. Instead he approached the solitary dark haired figure.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Startled from the sound of another's voice the teenager attempted to stand whilst pulling out his wand, an action that resulted in him overbalancing and tumbling down the remaining steps. As Rory offered his hand to him he scooted backwards and having managed to keep a hold of his wand he pointed it towards Rory asking waveringly. "Who are you? I don't recognise you."

"Me? I'm no-one just a traveller, the guy who brought me here is rubbish at directions. Now let me help you look hurt." Rory took a step forward to offer his help but was again stopped by boy holding his wand out towards him.

"No, you could be a Death Eater any time there are strangers here something bad happens."

"Well I can't promise nothing bad will happen, if you knew the Doctor you'd know why but I promise I'm not a Death Eater. " Rory pulled up his sleeve realising that he needed to prove he wasn't marked.

"That doesn't prove anything maybe you haven't been marked yet and where's your wand?"

"Wand? Oh right, that, I don't have one. I'm not kidding," holding his hands up as he spotted the boy looking at him suspiciously. I suppose I'm a .. Muggle, me and my friends ended up here unexpectedly so it's all a bit new. They're around here somewhere but they ran off without me like usual."

Realising that if he had really wanted to hurt him, he would have done it by now the boy on the stairs relaxed his grip on his wand and responded to the confused looking man in front of him. "Do you want help to find them?"

"Nah, they'll turn up. Besides you need to get that checked out," Rory said, his confused demeanour being replaced by concern as he peered at the side of his temporary patient's head. You hit your head pretty hard and you might have concussion. I'm a, well used to be a nurse so I know what I'm talking about. It looks like you might need stitches.

"Stitches? Oh right I remember Hermione talking about those once. That's when they sew your skin together with thread isn't it?" he said shivering at the thought.

"Well, basically yeah."

"Nah I'm alright, I don't want thread in my head. I'll go see Madam Pomfrey she's used to it and it'll be fixed in a minute."

"Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yeah she's the school's healer she can fix almost everything."

"Can I come with you? I'd like to see magical medicine at work and it means you have someone to catch you if you get too dizzy."

"Sure, just follow me. I know the route off by heart so I can make it even when concussed, I've done it before. Actually, I think Harry and I share the record for most times in the Hospital Wing and that's saying something. Though at least for me it's just clumsiness rather than fighting off Dark Lords."

"I'm like that too. No, not the fighting off Dark Lords bit," Rory clarified after seeing the expression on the other's face. "I mean I was presuming you're talking about Harry Potter fighting Voldemort, I wouldn't want to be in his position."

"You said You-Know-Who's name."

"Well it's just a name at the end of the day, a made up one at that. Did you know it means flight of death or fly from death? "

"No, but that sounds scarier than the actual name."

"Well not really, it means he's scared of dying and would rather run from it instead of facing it head on."

"I suppose." the schoolboy said pensively. A silence covered them as they reached the tower where the Hospital Wing was located but in an uncharacteristic move the boy broke the silence in order to continue the conversation with this inexplicably fascinating stranger. "Sorry I interrupted you before what were you saying about being the same?"

"Oh that. I was just saying that I used to be really clumsy, not so much now, but you should have seen me when I was younger. I always had bruises on my knees, though thinking about it now, most of them were Amy's and Mels' fault. Sorry just realised I still haven't introduced myself I'm Rory, by the way. Rory Williams or Rory Pond if you believe Amy and the Doctor," he finished holding out his hand to Neville.

"Neville Longbottom, just Longbottom nothing else," Neville said with a slight smile taking Rory's hand.

Rory looked at the figure in front of him and found it hard to believe he was looking at the boy who would one day slay a giant snake and stand up to Voldemort. This was definitely one of those "Doctor moments." They were the moments where something he never thought possible was actually happening. He was meeting a Harry Potter character for Christ's sake. But thinking about that would make his head explode so he just concentrated on helping the one and only Neville Longbottom on his trek to the Hospital wing and almost missed Neville's question.

"What about your friends? How will they find you?"

"Well we're at the Hospital Wing, I'm sure they'll end up here at some point."

A/N I currently only have half of chapter 3 so there might be a bit of a wait for the next chapter, but chapter 4 is written. Yeah it just sort of happened like that. I also have a very vague plot so no clue on how long this will be or if I will even finish it, hopefully I will.

Also a quick thank you to my reviewers

AliceCullen3

AccousticHeart

Protagonist Of Life

Vilya

I hope the story's still interesting and I'll do my best to keep it going. I also need to give an extra thank you to Protagonist of Life for the llama. I named him George.


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